I Am Clever

alec_towser


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...


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NaBloPoMo - Day Fourteen
I Am Clever
alec_towser
Today is/was Day Fourteen. (I really need to start posting these earlier... but at least I'm meeting the deadlines!! :D)

So, I had the idea to look around for some different sets of 'Ten Commandments'. I know people have heard of the original Bible version (and if not, I'm including it below), but I wanted some humor. So here's a commandment of my own to get this started: Thou shalt enjoy this post. XD

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The Ten Commandments for Dummies (the real 10 Commandments in simple terms)

1. Love God and enjoy Him forever.

2. Don't think about - stress out - drool over - or hanker for anything more than think about God.

3. Don't say things like, 'For God's sake...', and 'For Christ's sake...' or yell 'Jesus Christ!' when you hit your head on the cupboard if the issue isn't for Christ's sake at all or if you're not actually praying for help.

4. Work for 6 days every week and take a whole day out to refresh and rejuvenate your mind, body and soul.

5. Respect and honour your parents.

6. Don't murder anyone. Don't even think about it!

7. Control your sexual urges and only have sex with your life partner AND wait till you get married.

8. Don't take anything from anyone (or anywhere) that doesn't belong to you without permission or without paying for it first.

9. Tell the truth. Match what you say and report to the facts precisely; no spin, no bits left out.

10. Be contented with what you've got. Don't long for the loot and lot of other people. Be satisfied with your own spouse, house, car and clothes.

'Live like this,' said God to Moses, and you'll live happily ever after.'

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The Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But, so are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand —- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely matters of chemistry.
That is why a wife treats her husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

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The Ten Commandments of Obama

I. Thou shalt have no God in America, except for me. For we are no longer a Christian nation and, after all, I am the chosen One. (And like God, I do not have a birth certificate.)

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is my face carved on Mt. Rushmore.

III. Thou shalt not utter my middle name in vain (or in public). Only I can say Barack Hussein Obama.

IV. Remember tax day, April 15th, to keep it holy.

V. Honour thy father and thy mother until they are too old and sick to care for. They will cost our public-funded health-care system too much money.

VI. Thou shalt not kill, unless you have an unwanted, unborn baby. For it would be an abomination to punish your daughter with a baby.

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are conservative or a Republican. Liberals and Democrats are hereby forgiven for all of their infidelity and immorality, but the careers of conservatives will be forever destroyed.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal, until you've been elected to public office. Only then is it acceptable to take money from hard-working, successful citizens and give it to those who do not work, illegal immigrants, or those who do not have the motivation to better their own lives.

IX. Thou shalt not discriminate against thy neighbor unless they are conservative, Caucasian, or Christian.

X. Thou shalt not covet because it is simply unnecessary. I will place such a heavy tax burden on those that have achieved the American Dream that, by the end of my term as President, nobody will have any wealth or material goods left for you to covet.

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And lastly, the 11th commandment of some church (no idea where - happened to come across this picture by accident. :P)



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(I think I'd better stop now - this post is getting pretty long.) O_o

Today was National Loosen Up Lighten Up Day!! Lighten up and enjoy! ;)

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