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I Am Clever


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...

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How Far I've Come
I Am Clever
I find it amazing how far I've come in the past year - heck, let's say two years just to make it interesting.

Two years ago I was angry. Not angry in the sense that "I-finally-snapped-and-did-ridiculous-things-to-my-family" sort of angry, or even "I-punched-someone's-lights-out-just-for-the-heck-of-it" angry.

No, I was the "simmering" angry. I found that Paul McCartney described it best in one of the many bios written about him. He said that when he was angry (at his parents), he'd sneak into their room and tear a bit of the bottom of their curtains, and they wouldn't notice. I believe he described it as his sort of "quiet rebellion". That's exactly how I felt.

I didn't want to be put in the DL program at TLA. I didn't want to be on any DL program at all. I didn't want to be accountable to teachers. I liked being traditionally homeschooled and the freedom it had. But my mom said I had to be on the DL program, and I WOULD like it - if not; that was my problem. So I thought to myself, "I'll show HER! I REFUSE to enjoy myself!"

And guess what? I didn't. Grade 10 was one of the most miserable years of my life.


Now let's cut to almost the end of that school year, May 2008. The anger had died down, but I was still confused about stuff. If you had asked me at the time, I wouldn't have told you that, but looking back, I can see that I clearly was.

I'd managed to actually scrape out half-decent marks, considering all the negativity I'd had... Bs and a one or two As. But that's not the point.

The point is, I made a HUGE mistake. We're talking Ultra-MONDO mistake. We're talking... you get what I mean.

Anyway, I was confused, and I made a big mistake - I got into something WAY over my head (message me if you'd like a more detailed answer, as I don't really want to put it into the view of the public eye just yet).

I knew it was wrong at the time, and I realize it even moreso now (cue the ultra-GUILT).

That doesn't make what I did right, but I've prayed about it many times since then and have asked for forgiveness, which has helped.


So, to recap:

Two years ago, I was angry with my parents and hating school.

Just over one year ago, I was really confused about life.

Now, I still don't care for school (XD), but I no longer hate it. I'm determined to make this last year the best year ever, and to do better than I have the past ****** of years. As well, I have a more positive outlook on life.

And while I still may be confused about many things, I have more of an idea of what I want, ultimately how God wants me to live my life, and I dunno - I definitely think I feel more at peace with God, myself, and life than I did both one year and two years ago.

And do you know just how GOOD that feels??????? ^_^

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What did you get in way over your head?

Is it the thing with that one guy? The one you met at B of A?

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