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I Am Clever


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...

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Prayer, Please...
I Am Clever
Right now, I'm really confused.

I'm not sure what I really want to do after I graduate anymore.

At first (ie: grade 9/grade 10/some of 11), I thought, 'Music! That's what I do best with, and I've had the training for it. (12 years of lessons for one instrument or another) I'll just go to college and study music (piano) after I finish school.'

I'd also (earlier - ie: grade 8-9) considered Bible college. But for some reason, the idea of it never really interested me.

Shortly after I joined Sea cadets (grade 8), I'd also considered the military as an option. That gradually got shot down by my music ideas.

But now, I don't know what to think anymore.


If I go to college and study music, about the only career that's likely to bring income at some point is teaching, and teaching piano isn't exactly my idea of a good time.

Another idea my piano teacher brought up was music therapy. That sounded a bit more promising, but still the idea. What the therapist basically does is sit there, either a) playing music for the patient on an instrument, b) having the patient compose their own music on an instrument, or c) listening to music (CDs and whatnot) with the patient, and then finish with the wonderful stereotypical therapist response, pen and paper at the ready:

"So, how did that make you FEEL?"

Wonderfully touchy-feely job. NEXT!

(No offense to any therapists out there - it's just that I don't really think that that sort of job is for me. :P)


So those would be about the only profitable careers. Honestly, performing is fun, but there's not that much chance of success in that. That, and I don't really think I'm a piano performer.

Case in point - a few weeks ago, we saw this 15-year-old Alberta kid on the news who's a freakin' child prodigy. He plays the piano, and he plays it well. Like, REALLY well. I'm nowhere NEAR that good. When you heard him play, you could tell he was putting a lot of emotion into it. I somehow can't seem to do that on the piano. I try, but (at least to my ears) it sounds forced. And I can't seem to improv on the piano for the life of me.

I can do that (put emotion in my music and improv) on the saxophone, but not the piano. And unfortunately, anything I do on the sax counts as fun, and doesn't amount to diddley squat for me academically, as I've never had lessons. :S


So recently, I've been considering the military as an option again (because I really enjoy the stuff I do with cadets), and even (possibly) Bible college.

The only problem is... I have no idea what to do.

I'm not feeling particularly "pulled" in any directions right now, and I have no idea what I want or even SHOULD do after I graduate. Right now, I'm just waiting, seeing what God wants for me. If he wants me to go in a particular direction, then I'll know. :)

But in the meantime, please pray for me, as this is a somewhat confusing time for me. Please and thank you.

If you've read this far, then congratz!

I'll leave you alone now... this entry has gone on long enough. *goes and hides back in her cave*