I Am Clever


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...

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The Story That Just Won't Die (Aka: The Smitty Story)
Bad Pun
I come bearing more Smitty Story. I apologize in advance. :P If you're going to throw rotten fruit/vegetables at me for the utter weirdness that is this story that I just seem to keep writing, keep in mind that there are plenty of poor people who would love to eat that food. (so don't waste it on me?)

Anyway, if I haven't deterred you, then have another chapter of my story. Don't try looking for a lot of logic in this story, btw, as you won't find much. :P

Title: Smitty And The Quest For The Class 5 Cook
Author: Myself, Smitty 'Jaws' McPatchington, Esq.
Rating: G (might go up later)
Word Count: Unfinished
Disclaimer: I don't own the organizations I name in this story (names have been changed), and a good deal of the characters are based off of real people.
Warning(s): MAJOR CRACK/RANDOMNESS. Read at your own risk. :P
AN: My fourth piece of OF. Previous chapters:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4


They continued on through the woods; thankfully, with no further problems. Soon, they had cleared the tree line and were now standing in front of a large field.

…or at least, it would have been a field, if it wasn’t entirely covered in some sort of glowing green sludge. Smitty knelt down and poked it with a stick, which promptly began melting on contact with the substance. She sniffed. “Ugh. Smells like the Mexican Rice, combined with the horrible coffee grounds. I always knew those were a recipe for disaster.”

Dropping the stick before it completely disintegrated in her hand, Smitty stood up. “Well, there goes any hope of being able to make it across here easily. Any ideas?”

Won Ton just shrugged. “I have never seen this field before. My people have never ventured out so far, due to the threat of the Ooomoo.”

“I see.” Smitty looked over at the jester. “Anything from you?”

“Uh…” Yvanovich scratched his head, a blank look on his face. “I’m just here for entertainment purposes. I have no ideas that don’t involve horribly-executed skits, interpretive flashmob dances, or slapping people with fish for comedic value.”

“Lovely.” Smitty rolled her eyes, before looking all around. “Well, there’s only one way forward - through this sludge swamp. So hopefully those exposed pieces of ground will be enough for us to make our way through.”

“Only one way to find out, I suppose,” Won Ton agreed, as Smitty picked him up and put him into a small pocket in her bag.

“Easy for you to say,” Yvanovich grumped, watching as this took place. “You don’t actually have to do any work.”

Won Ton just stuck his tongue out at the jester.

Smitty rolled her eyes at the two. “Oh, grow up. This is hardly the time for petty rivalries.” With that, the Princess turned away, closing the matter at hand. Behind her back, Yvanovich and Won Ton still made rude faces at each other silently. Soon, though, there was no time for any kind of bickering, as they were too busy focusing on jumping from one piece of sludge-less ground to the next, trying desperately not to touch the toxic Caffeinated Mexican Rice substance.

Three hours later, they finally made it across, but not without some casualties: at one point, Smitty had stumbled, burning a hole through the pocket where the Soldier Gruel bars had been stored, losing a great deal of them in the process, and Yvanovich’s brightly-coloured three-tasseled hat had been dropped close to the end of the swamp. The Russian had been able to retrieve it, but not before the sludge burnt a hole through one of the tassels. Won Ton had showed no sympathy as he was removed from Smitty’s bag, merely snickering and saying it was an improvement.

Smitty had just rolled her eyes again, but otherwise ignored the two and their arguing. She’d seen the clouds above - rain was coming, and they needed to find shelter. Her suspicions were proven correct when fat drops began pelting them from above.

Then she noticed a large cave ahead - enough for them to be able to take shelter and rest for the time being. “This way - we need to get out of this weather!” she shouted, gesturing toward the cave as the rain started coming down even harder.

By the time they reached the cave, they were all soaked, and oddly sticky. Then Yvanovich caught a glimpse of a puddle at the mouth of the cave, noticing that it wasn’t clear, but an odd yellow-green colour. Out of curiosity, he went over to it and examined it. Then it hit him - “This is Gatorade! The sky is raining Gatorade!”

Won Ton looked at the jester like he’d grown an extra head, but the Princess just looked thoughtful. “Interesting - we’re running into environmental problems that deliberately mimic the contents of an MRE. It’s almost as if someone doesn’t want us to find a Class 5 cook…”

Any more thoughts she might have had on the subject were brought to a close by a booming voice from deeper inside the cave. “WHO DARES DISTURB THE LAIR OF THE RIDICULOUS QUADRILATERAL?”

The three travellers exchanged worried looks. This didn’t bode well for them at all.



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