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I Am Clever


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...

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UNIT!100 - 071. Broken.
I Am Clever
Title: A Horrible Tragedy
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Jo Grant, Third Doctor, Mike Yates
Prompt: 071. Broken.
Word Count: 601
Rating: T
Summary: Unfortunate circumstances require drastic measures.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own OCs, should I create any for these stories.
Author's Note: ...I really have no idea what happened here. I sincerely apologize in advance for the sheer ridiculousness.


“Doctor, I don’t see why we need to search through all these hedges on this hill now for your missing part. Can’t we wait until it gets light?” Jo Grant complained.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Jo - if anyone were to get their hands on that piece of technology, it could very well be the end of society as you know it,” the Doctor reminded her absently as he continued to search through one particularly stubborn section.

She sighed. “Fine. I just think we’d do a lot better in the - OW!”

That got his attention. “What is it?”

Jo was inspecting her left arm as well as she could under the light of her torch. “I slipped. I think I broke something.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Let me take a look.”

She held out the limb in question, and the Doctor began to poke and prod at it gently. “Hmmm. Yes, definitely broken. Well, you clearly won’t be able to use it anymore tonight.”

Jo rolled her eyes. “I could have told you that. Now look, I’ll be fine. I just need a bandage to cover it with.”

“A bandage? Don’t be absurd. This clearly requires a sling at the very least, and at worst - amputation, Jo. Now, I believe I’ve got a spare bone saw lying around in Bessie’s boot somewhere…” He strode off purposefully to the car.

She trotted after him, clutching her injured limb. “Amputation, Doctor? Really? Did you have some of Mike’s special coffee before you left the base?”

“Nonsense. You know I don’t indulge in that foul swill you humans seem so fond of calling ‘alcohol’. Now, liquor from the second star in the Akdov galaxy….that is proper alcohol. Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes - my bone saw. Now come along, Jo - this won’t be but a minute.”

“But Doctor - really! It doesn’t need amputating, or even a sling. I just need a bandage; a small plaster, even.”

He sputtered. “And risk losing the limb to gangrene? Of course not! Now get over here before I’m forced to use a Venusian holding technique on you.”

“No, Doctor - this time you’ve gone too far. I can take care of it myself.” Jo scooted away carefully from the wicked-looking edge of the saw.

He tried wheedling. “Now, Jo; be reasonable…”

Reasonable? You’re the one trying to take a saw to my arm for no good reason!” she exclaimed, as she ducked behind a hedge for cover.

He sighed. “I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Now, see here-” Just then, he was cut off by the blare of a truck horn, and headlights now flashing in his direction. “What is this?”

“Hello there, Doctor.” Captain Yates hopped out of the cab, followed by three other soldiers. “When you didn’t come back earlier, the Brig sent me along with a few men to help you in your search.” He then noticed the giant saw in the Doctor’s hand. “Doing some trimming, I see?”

“Oh, Mike!” Jo cried, running from the hedge she had been hiding behind to wrap her arms around him. “Thank heavens you’ve arrived.”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow. “What seems to be the trouble?”

The whole story came pouring out, and when Yates had gotten a chance to examine the limb for himself, he burst out laughing. “So that’s what this is all about?”

“I know!” Jo looked reproachfully at the Doctor, who was now attempting (badly) to hide the saw. “I tried to explain it to him, but he wouldn’t listen. You’d think he’d never seen a broken nail before in his life!”

X-posted to FF.net, Teaspoon, AO3, and unit_family.