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I Am Clever


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...

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Day Three Hundred Sixty-Four (Aka: In Which More Of the Smitty Story Appears)
Bad Pun
So, way back in 2010 (well, it FEELS like forever ago, anyway), I started writing a random piece of crack!fic known as Smitty And The Quest For The Class 5 Cook, or informally, The Smitty Story.

Anyway, I figured why not add to that?  If you want to catch up, the links to the first 3 parts are listed below.

Title: Smitty And The Quest For The Class 5 Cook
Author: Myself, Smitty 'Jaws' McPatchington, Esq.
Rating: G (might go up later)
Word Count: Unfinished
Disclaimer: I don't own the organizations I name in this story (names have been changed), and a good deal of the characters are based off of real people.
Warning(s): MAJOR CRACK/RANDOMNESS. Read at your own risk. :P
AN: My fourth piece of OF. Previous chapters:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3


Smitty gulped.  "Well, let's just approach this rationally.  Do we have anything we could feasibly use to defend ourselves against whatever this thing is?"

Won Ton searched through a small bag he had been wearing on his back.  "I have a small assortment of throwing knives and a sword or two..."

Yvanovich looked through their bag of supplies.  "We have some Soldier Gruel energy bars, your Multi-tool™, some of the MRE "eggs", and...MY COLOGNES!"  He quickly snatched those out and hid them away on his person before Smitty could confiscate them.

"OF COURSE!" Smitty cried.  "The eggs!  And my Multi-tool™!  I can create a weapon with those that will have the Ooomoo begging for mercy!  Yvanovich - the music, if you please!"  She quickly grabbed the items in question, some tree branches, and proceeded to start a building montage, set to motivating music.  In a matter of 30 seconds or so, she was finished.  "VOILA!"

"That's impressive," Won Ton muttered.  "How does she do that?"

"Easy," Yvanovich shrugged.  "Lots of practice, the J-Team theme song, and extensive knowledge of how fiction tropes work."

Smitty was now holding a sturdy industrial-spring-powered mini catapult, which she now pointed in the direction of where the growling was still emerging from.  "Now we're sure to win!  Taste tofu-flavoured justice, jerk!"  She used it to fling some eggs at the clump of bushes, and a loud yelping was heard, followed by the sound of running in the opposite direction.

"You did it!  It worked!" Yvanovich high-fived Won-Ton.

"Yes, but your colognes would have worked just as well," Smitty smiled sweetly at her jester, who then proceeded to shoot daggers out of his eyes in her general direction.  Not real daggers, mind you, but metaphorical ones, which Smitty completely ignored.  Won Ton, on the other hand, shot actual daggers at Yvanovich (which did nothing, as they just bounced off his shirt) as a belated form of petty revenge, as he was still rather ticked about his house being destroyed.

"Anyway," Smitty continued, "We should get going.  Just because the Ooomoo is gone doesn't mean our quest is over.  We still need to find the Class 5 cook before the people of Marineria starve.  Onward!"  And with that, they headed on their way.


Comments are appreciated - flames are not.