I Am Clever

alec_towser


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...


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NaBloPoMo - Day Seven
So cool it hurts
alec_towser
AKA 'The joy of poppy tagging'.

So today I went out poppy tagging with other member of my sea cadet corps, to help raise money for the Royal Canadian Legion. Joy and fun times (said with semi-sarcasm).

I mean, I know it's for a good cause, but sometimes the public (aka purchasers of Poppies) annoy/amuse me. (Annoyment or amusement depends on my mood at the time.) Just some of the stuff they do to avoid buying poppies. There are several types of Poppy Purchase Avoiders, which can easily be identified by the handy guide below.

Smitty's Handy Helpful Guide to Poppy Purchase Avoider Spotting
+ Special Annex on Reluctant Giver

1. The Casual Noticer
The Casual Noticer will generally approach the store Cadet Taggers are outside of, make brief eye-contact, give a small smile, and continue on. Sometimes guilt is evident, sometimes not.

2. The Not-So-Casual Ignorer
The Not-So-Casual Ignorer is a relation to the Casual Noticer, possibly a cousin. The Not-So-Casual Ignorer will approach the store, and as it gets within twenty feet of cadet Taggers, will avert eyes so as not to make eye contact. The creature believes that in this way, the Cadet Taggers will simply disappear. (Unfortunately for it, this is not so.)

3. The Rummager
The Rummager is in a category somewhere in between the Casual Noticer and the Not-So-Casual Ignorer. Like the Noticer, it will make eye contact (if only for a brief moment). However, then, it pretends to rummage in its pocket for a pretend wallet, to fool Cadet Taggers into thinking it will donate money. However, as soon as it passes the Taggers, its hand will immediately come out of its pocket and they will continue on their way.

4. The VIP Poppy Flasher
The VIP Poppy Flasher is much more bold than any of the three breeds listed above. If eye contact is made, it will maintain this contact, give a small (generally semi-smug) smile, and flash a poppy already on its jacket, as if displaying a VIP badge. It will occasionally use the call "I already have one" to accompany this, and carry on into the store.

5. The Confused Excuser
The Excuser is an interesting breed. When eye contact is made, it will give a guilty smile, and generally use one of the following calls to deter Cadet Taggers:

"I have one, but it's in my car"
"I have one on my jacket at home, but I wore this one"
"I bought a couple earlier, but I lost them. They're so easy to lose"

These are generally said to distract the Taggers, as the Excuser walks right by while using these calls.

6. The No-Changer
The No-Changer is a Very Common Breed, not to be confused with the Reluctant Giver (see Annex). The No-Changer will approach, and either will dig in pocket, or actually pull out purse/wallet. It will examine said wallet/purse/feel pocket contents for about five seconds, then declare, "I have no change - I'll get you on the way out." (There is only a 50/50 chance of this actually occurring [the 'getting on the way out'], give or take a bit.)


ANNEX

1. The Short-Changer
The Short-Changer is a Special [with an R] breed. It will approach Cadet Taggers, and pull out a handful of change. There will generally be a mix of coins - a twoonie, one or two loonies, a quarter or two, and various assorted nickels, dimes, and pennies. The Short-Changer will appear to reach for the twoonie or loonies, but do not be fooled by its bright coinage, for it will abruptly shift its grasp, and pull out various assorted nickels, dimes, and pennies. (Sometimes only one nickel. This Cadet Tagger knows from personal experience.) It will then walk on, feeling that it has done a good deed for the day, oblivious to the rage it has just incurred and the impending death sentence now on its head.

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Well, if you've read this far, I hope you enjoyed my little slice of Sarcasm Pie for the day. :D

Enjoy the rest of National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day! :P

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