I Am Clever

alec_towser


A Fine Line - Between Chaos and Creation

Everybody seems to think I'm lazy; I don't mind, I think they're crazy...


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Tuesday, Week 1 - The Smitty Story, Chapter 7
I Am Clever
alec_towser
Here's the update that no one asked for or wanted that you've all been waiting for to the hilarity that is the Smitty Story!

Enjoy the ride?

Title: Smitty And The Quest For The Class 5 Cook
Author: Myself, Smitty 'Jaws' McPatchington, Esq.
Rating: G (might go up later)
Word Count: Unfinished
Disclaimer: I don't own the organizations I name in this story (names have been changed), and a good deal of the characters are based off of real people.
Warning(s): MAJOR CRACK/RANDOMNESS. Read at your own risk. :P
AN: My fourth piece of OF. Previous chapters:


Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6

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By the time Yvanovich caught up to Smitty and Won Ton, the travellers had made it quite far into the depths of the cave, and were looking at a doorway, with a large, crudely-made wooden door hanging in it. "Guys," he panted, "hold on a second. I can't keep up."

Won Ton rolled his eyes, because they clearly already had, but sighed and grudgingly turned, waiting for the jester to catch his breath.

Finally, after he had taken several theatrically deep breaths, Yvanovich seemed to have collected himself (as much as he could, for having been soaked in Gatorade). He then looked around and noticed the giant doorway they were standing in front of. "So. Where are we?"

"Shhhhh!" Smitty hissed, making motions for Yvanovich to lower his voice. "I think it's the lair of the Ridiculous Quadrilateral."

As if on cue, the loud booming voice returned: "IS SOMEBODY AT MY FRONT DOOR?"

Yvanovich visibly paled. "Maybe if we just don't say anything, he'll think we've gone away."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Crap." Yvanovich was clearly getting more panicked by the moment. "Um... Uh... We could try to overpower him?"

"AS IF YOU COULD REALLY DEFEAT ME! I'M AWESOME!" the voice returned again, sounding very smug.

Now the jester was really running low on ideas. He looked over to Smitty for help, but she just shook her head, saying "Nope. You got yourself into this; you can get yourself out."

Beads of sweat formed on the jester's forehead. He attempted to mop his brow with his tasselled hat, but it did little good, seeing as it was completely soaked with Gatorade. He decided to try one last-ditch attempt: "Do you have time to talk about our Lord and Saviour, the Chief of Defence Staff?"

A loud sigh could be clearly heard from within. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I THOUGHT I'D SEEN THE LAST OF YOU PEOPLE! WHY DO YOU THINK I LIVE IN THIS REMOTE CAVE?"

Emboldened, Yvanovich continued. "Have you read his sacred text, the CFP 201?"

There was silence for a moment, then a sullen-sounding voice. "IF I SAY YES, WILL YOU GO AWAY?"

Smitty decided to speak up at that point. "We could just come in and start reading the 201 to you anyway..."

That finally got a response. "FINE! COME IN. SEE IF I CARE. BUT YOU'D BETTER NOT GO TRACKING ANY OF THAT ELECTROLYTE-HEAVY FILTH ONTO MY RUGS, THOUGH."

With a loud creak, the door swung inwards, beckoning the three travellers into the awaiting gloom.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Now that that's over, join me tomorrow for a Listography!

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